Written & performed by Caitlin's cousin, Mike Lehmann, and Tate Foley
Dr. Mark Boyea
The writers of the Hebrew Bible and New Testaments, the wisest men and women, and the best novelists and playwrights throughout history all shared the same great insight-that our lives are best understood as a story. And every great story is, in the end, about important ideas or themes.
So what was Caitlin Lehmann's story about?
First, Cait's story was about truth. Caitlin told it straight, and expected you to tell it to her straight. But this forthrightness never expressed itself in disrespect, arrogance, or an attitude. It was demanding, but it was grounded in a genuine love for the truth.
My first encounter with the Lehmann family was a little over three years ago. At the time, I was the Director of Athletics at Montclair Kimberley Academy . One afternoon, I received a call from Rich Lehmann, and he explained that he was interested in having his two daughters transfer to a school closer to home. Rich them proceeded to question me for 45 minutes about the athletics program at MKA. I remember getting off the phone and thinking that this was going to be an interesting family to work with. When school started, I discovered that I had been assigned as Caitlin's advisor. Great - two more years of 45 minute phones calls from Rich. After just a few days of conversations with Caitlin, however, I had learned that Rich was going to be the easy one. In time, I also learned to get used to a steady diet from Cait of "That's OK", "That's a good idea", "That's stupid", "What's that about?", "Who screwed that up?" "House", and other very clear responses to whatever we were discussing. But again-never disrespectful, never offensive, almost always said with a laugh-but straight. And truthful.
Caitlin's story was also about strength. Strength as an athlete, strength as a person, strength as a young woman with cancer. Swimming is a grueling sport that requires mental, physical, and emotional toughness and consistency. Sounds a lot like Cait, doesn't it? She was no different as a student or patient-determined, consistent, focused. There's been a lot of talk about heroes since last September 11, and thankfully it's been talk about real ones-police officers, fire fighters, doctors and nurses. One of my heroes is a young woman who lived the same way that she died-all out, all the time. With great strength.
Another theme of Caitlin's story was humility. She was a strong student, a state championship swimmer whose teammates looked up to her as a big sister or a second mother - loved and respected by many. Yet she didn't regard herself as special in any way. When she did well, she acknowledged it and moved on. When she didn't do as well, she acknowledged that and moved on. She was confident, but never conceited - serious, but never took herself too seriously. But mostly, Caitlin didn't think of herself at all, and that, my friends, is the true definition of humility.
Lastly, and most importantly, the story of Caitlin Lehmann was about love. I often think about visiting Cait at the hospital or her home during the first few months of her illness and meeting one of her aunts - and then an uncle - and then another couple of aunts - and then Grandma Ostrowski - then a couple of cousins, some more uncles, a few more aunts. You get the picture. To the Lehmann and Ostrowski clan, I want you to know something. I have known many, many families, but I have never known a better or more loving one than yours. It didn't matter to you that at first you didn't know me or a number of other people who came to visit. We were there for Cait, and so as far as you were concerned we were one of you.
Caitlin loved you, her teammates, her coaches and her friends just as deeply and well. Paul didn't intend to write about Cait in Corinthians, but permit me to substitute her name for the word "love" in verses 4-7, and see if it doesn't ring true for you:
Caitlin was patient, Caitlin was kind. Caitlin was not envious, or boastful, or arrogant, or rude. She did not insist on her own way. She was not irritable or resentful. She did not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoiced in the truth. She bore all things, believed all things, hoped all things, and endured all things.
I am quite sure that by now Caitlin is begging God to make me shut up. And so, as usual, I will do what she wants, but only after one last personal note.
Answers to most of our questions at times like these are hard to come by. But there are two questions that I am going to try to answer for three people who I love very much. Rich, JoAnne and Jeanne - if you have ever wondered what kind of father, mother, or sister you've been, or if you've ever wondered whether people really knew how wonderful Caitlin was - I ask you to think back on the past 16 months and on the past week, take a good look around you today - and never, ever, wonder again.
Monsignor Timothy Shugrue
Our Catholic tradition describes what we do here this morning as a "celebration" - a celebration of the Eucharist on the occasion of a funeral - part of the Liturgy of Christian Burial. It always seems odd to put those words - 'celebration' and 'funeral' - in the same sentence, but never more so than when the funeral is that of a young person. Our hearts, always heavy when we encounter the mystery of death, are today aching with particular intensity as we confront this death - as we seek to offer consolation to Caitlin's parents and sister, her grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins, and her many, many friends. It is natural, and not at all out of place in this place, to feel overwhelmed by sadness, certainly, and even by a hurt that comes close to resentment, when we consider the loss and emptiness that are so real in the wake of the death of a loved one. There is sadness, too, when we think about the long and often difficult struggle Caitlin has undergone in the course of her illness.
Yet we say that we celebrate, and we mean it. We celebrate not death, but life: and not just the life that was Caitlin's for these 19-plus years, but the life that has been and is hers, we believe, because she was embraced by Jesus Christ and was given a share in His life, which is unending. Surely, there is much to honor and celebrate in Caitlin's life here - her goodness, her personality, her talent, her determination, her courage, her strength. How well the newspaper account of her athletic ability and accomplishments serves as a metaphor for her fight against the aggressive opponent that she battled so valiantly right to the end. Cancer might be taking her physical life, but it was not going to overcome her inner vitality or the meaning of her life: they were secure, because of Caitlin's remarkable personal gifts of character and focus, and because of the support she derived from her family and friends.
There is so much to celebrate in what Caitlin managed to pack into 19 years on this earth. We only need to look around to see the evidence of her success in influencing people - the greatest legacy any of us can hope for. Even when Caitlin may have been thought most weak, and defeated by the inexorable progress of her illness, she was adding to her legacy an example of extraordinary courage and grace. Along with the inexpressible sadness over their loss, Caitlin's family knows a deep pride in the exceptional young woman who was their daughter and sister and granddaughter. Anyone privileged to know Caitlin even slightly can be grateful for the experience, and proud of her as well.
It seems to me that gratitude is the key component of our prayer today: gratitude to our God for the gift of this special life. And in that spirit of gratitude for all that Caitlin was and did, for us and among us, we celebrate her life in Christ - or, better, Christ's life in her, the consequence of her Baptism and of all the ways Christ continued to touch her spirit. We can celebrate the truth that Christ was with her, her companion every step of the way, especially through her illness and most particularly in her death. In His own experience of human life, suffering and death, we believe Jesus gave us a way to take His hand, reaching out to us, guiding us through life's choices and into our Father's embrace forever. That is what we celebrate here - how that reality touched Caitlin and enveloped her in God's love, and how it touches all of us. Here we renew Jesus' act of sacrifice for us, when He laid down His life for His friends, at least in part to show us that we have nothing to fear in death. It is a reality we all must encounter - each of us at a particular time and in a particular way - never something we can clearly see coming, but something for which we can nonetheless be prepared, by living in the awareness that we are on a journey, that our choices and decisions every day either signal our commitment to that journey and its destination, or lead us into detours and blind alleys that can become true 'dead ends', if they lock us into a sense that we are alone and unreachable. Only then does death have a fearful power. The reality of our having to die was brought home to us with terrible brutality on September 11 - and here we have it forcing itself upon us once again. Each time we confront it, death gives us an opportunity to affirm what we believe about life - that we need to take its every moment seriously, not just because those moments are running out, but because we have enough time to do what we need to do with the gift of our earthly life. Why? Why death? Why death for Caitlin? Why after such a brief time here? Why accompanied by pain and difficulty? Why do we have to suffer this loss? I think that Caitlin, used to sizing up a situation and knowing how to take advantage of every second to improve performance, would be impatient with the question, Why? Don't waste time debating, she might say. Rather, the question is How? How do we live life, responsibly and purposefully, for as long as we may be here? We celebrate our fellowship in the Communion of Saints, with all those who, over time, have shown us how that question can be answered, all of them having responded to Christ in faith, hope and love. Caitlin is a link in this human chain that connects us with this vast family of believers, and with Christ Himself, and encourages us to stay on course, focused on the goal, disciplined in terms of the daily choices that will help us reach our finish line - maybe exhausted, maybe bruised, but with confidence that none of the effort has been misspent.
Jesus' sacrifice speaks powerfully of this mystery - of how it's only in the laying down of what appears to be our life, sharing it generously with others, that we are freed to discover the true and lasting life for which we are created. As we partake of His sacrifice by sharing in His Body and Blood, we nourish that life in us. We celebrate the power of Christ to bring Caitlin to the fullness of life He promised her - a promise she trusted. We celebrate His power to do the same for all of us, to bring us together again one day, with Caitlin and with all whom we've loved and who have loved us, and with all our brothers and sisters in faith.
(Caitlin's teen support group)
Dear Caitlin,
We have been blessed with an abundance of gifts from you.
You have taught us what it means to have tremendous courage and to yearn for life that exceeds what we thought was our fullest potential.
You have reminded us to be sensible, as Anka would say, and to remember to think clearly even during the most chaotic times.
You help us remember that friendship and trust is to be earned, and that neither is to be taken lightly.
You have let us know you with openness, teaching us what you need and how we can meet you on a level that honestly shows understanding.
You have shown us the essence of family unity and the strength that comes from being knitted to those virtues.
You have shown us strong faith, a silent and powerful partnership with God, belief, and loyalty.
You revealed your dignity as you faced each hurdle with tremendous grace and will.
You have taught those that care for you where to focus their intentions.
You have helped us listen carefully to your words, both audible and silent, so that we could be together with a sense of depth and meaning.
You have let the Braves be part of your journey, and we are forever grateful.
So we surrender to these blessings, which extend far beyond these words to a "forever-ness" that we will always remember and hold dear.
We love you.
Sue Cohen and the Braves
Bill Ostrowski
Caitlin fought this terrible disease for almost a year and a half. When you look back at this time, you begin to realize that she beat the disease. She won the fight. I know right now Caitlin is upstairs with a big smile on her face saying, "Don't be sad for me - I am at peace". She won the fight because she never let the disease get the best of her, she only changed for the better, and she never stopped being Caitlin.
It was less than 2 weeks ago; Caitlin was down the shore in Seaside Heights . Down there they have this ride called the Tower-Of-Fear. In this ride, you are strapped in a chair with your legs dangling. All of a sudden it shoots you straight up like a rocket about 300 feet in the air. Then you stop for a few seconds and look out over the ocean. Next, it drops you down like a bungee jumper. It's a crazy ride. Caitlin was sick, and tired, and week, but she went on it anyway.
Or a few months back when she walked into the doctor's office. The doctor put her right into the hospital when he realized her lung was collapsed. He said he wouldn't have believed anyone could be walking around in that condition if he hadn't seen it for himself. Well, I believe it; she wouldn't give in.
Or last year when the chemotherapy took all her hair. She made jokes about it to make other people more comfortable.
The point is: the disease didn't make her weak; it made her strong!
She was one tough kid. Rich, you said it best the other night when you were talking about how tough she was. I wish I could repeat it, but your language was a bit too spicy to use here in the church. But you were right.
She was strong.
She never complained.
She didn't ask 'why me'.
She never stopped being sweet and polite.
So, what do we get for all this grief and pain? If you think about it, you realize we get a lot.
We get the comfort of knowing Caitlin is now at peace; and she doesn't have to fight anymore.
JoAnne & Rich, thanks for teaching us about compassion; and how we should be as parents. Jeanne, thanks for teaching us about being uplifting; and how to be a sister and a friend. Grandma O, thanks for teaching us what it means to be there when it counts; and how to be supportive.
Caitlin, thanks for teaching us about class, dignity, and strength.
You guys are great and we love you!
from Mark Snensky, former Head Coach Bishop Ahr girls' swim team
Dear Lehmann Family,
I would like to express my sincerest sympathy to you and all of the friends, and “enemies”, of Caitlin. I, unfortunately, would be considered one of those so-called enemies, but I don't see it that way. I must say I had the utmost respect for Caitlin for as long as I knew of her, and even more so after the epic meet in early 1998 when she struck the killer blow against my Bishop Ahr girls.
I can remember every minute detail of that entire '97-'98 season – following all of the high school results, watching Caitlin and all of her teammates at every opportunity at USS meets, all in the hope of breaking IHA's remarkable streak of State Championships. To this day I pour over the results and always come to the same conclusion – we should have won. But I'll be damned if I can't admit that Caitlin was the driving force behind IHA's come from behind victory. If I had to, I could draw every inch of that 100 free race from memory – none of that race will ever leave me. It is just another testament to what she stood for as a person, as I have heard and read since her passing. My father passed away shortly after that meet and things have never been quite the same for me, as for you all I am sure. However, memories do last forever, and I personally will always and forever remember Caitlin as the most worthy of competitors even if, unfortunately, I never really knew her as a person.
Please, may the Lord's peace be with you, and especially with Caitlin. She will be fondly remembered by me always, despite her role in Bishop Ahr's demise. A greater swimmer could not have shone more brightly at a greater meet than she did at that one. On behalf of myself and the girls of the '97-'98 BGA swim team, God bless.
Caitlin Lehmann, 19, Courageous Swimmer
By Joe Battaglia
Dave Flocco, the girls swimming coach at Montclair Kimberley Academy , knew his team had the talent to win the 2001 Prep A Division championship.
But to capture the title, he also knew his star swimmer, Caitlin Lehmann, would have to swim in her least favorite event, the 200-yard freestyle.
“I put her in the event because the team really needed her there,” Flocco said. “At the time she was struggling with hip and back pain and was really hurting in warm-ups. She wasn't gliding through the water like we've seen Caitlin do.
“When she got out of the pool she was doubled over in pain. I said to her, ‘Look, it's you call. If you can't go, don't.' She said, ‘I'm going.' It was a grueling race and her time wasn't anything great, but it sparked us to the championship. After the race she turned to me and said, ‘I gave it everything I had.' That courage was a defining moment for me.”
Miss Lehmann died Monday in her West Caldwell home after a battle with a rare form of cancer. She was 19.
Miss Lehmann, recognized as a fierce competitor, was a four-time state swimming champion for Immaculate Heart Academy in Washington Township and Montclair Kimberley. She was named to the All-North Jersey team in 1999 and was named Essex County Swimmer of the year in 2000.
“I'd be remiss if I didn't say that she put Montclair Kimberley swimming on the map,” Flocco said. “We had a lot of girls, but when she came in 2000, we had our best year. We hadn't had one better before and haven't had one as good since. She meant the world to our program.”
The same could be said for the Immaculate Heart program. Had it not been for Miss Lehmann, the school's state record, 101-meet winning streak – the longest active streak in the nation and third longest in national history – would have ended four years ago.
The team trailed Bishop Ahr of Edison by nine points in the 1998 Parochial A state championship meet and was facing a larger deficit heading into the 100-yard freestyle against heavily favored Laura Sobocienski. But Immaculate Heart sophomore Megan Hughes won the race in 55.57 seconds and Miss Lehmann took second in 56.26 seconds. The improbable finish pulled the team to within one point and set the stage for one of the most memorable comebacks in state swimming history. Immaculate Heart won the meet 87.5 – 82.5. Miss Lehmann also led the team to the 1999 state championship.
“That was one of the biggest achievements I've seen in a dual meet at any level,”
Bob Pytel, one of Miss Lehmann's coaches at Immaculate Heart, said. “It was probably the most significant individual swim in the history of our program. Caitlin was one of the toughest competitors I've ever seen. If you needed something done she could go out and get it done every race. She swam every race like it was the Olympics. She had that look in her, that killer instinct that you wish all of your swimmers had. Caitlin was a leader from her freshman year and everyone respected her.”
Despite her quiet nature out of the pool, Miss Lehmann commanded that same respect from her teammates when she transferred to Montclair Kimberley.
“She was always smiling and always had a positive attitude,” Jenna Sakolsky, who swam with Miss Lehmann as a youngster at the Montclair YMCA and later at Montclair Kimberley, said. “On road trips, she would have everyone singing along to songs on the radio. A few of us even recorded a song once. We always had fun when she was around.”
Montclair Kimberley also did a lot of winning when Miss Lehmann was around. She sparked the school to two Essex County championships, to the NJSIAA Parochial B titles in 2000 and 2001 and the Prep A division in 2001.
Three weeks after capping her career with that fourth state championship, Miss Lehmann was diagnosed with synovial cell sarcoma, a rare, aggressive high-grade tumor that attacks the body's joints. According to the musculoskeletal Tumor Service, approximately 800 cases of this cancer occur in the United States each year. The most notable case was that of actor Robert Urich, who spoke with Miss Lehmann about the disease prior to his death April 16.
Miss Lehmann underwent radical doses of chemotherapy and four surgeries in the final 14 months of her life, but remained committed to swimming. She returned to Montclair Kimberley as a volunteer assistant coach this past season and mentored many of the team's younger swimmers.
“The same resolve and commitment she showed in swimming were evident in her battle with cancer,” Flocco said. “She was determined to live her life to the fullest.”
“Caitlin was not only a leader, but an inspiration,” Sakolsky said. “She had a huge impact on my life and those of everyone who knew her. She will be missed.”
By Darren Cooper Of the Montclair Times
August 2, 2002 - 173 words. An obituary of 173 words told a story that highlighted the accomplishments of Montclair Kimberley Academy graduate and star swimmer Caitlin Lehmann who passed away a month ago today at age 19 after a heroic, courageous battle against synovial cell sarcoma.
173 words-far too short to talk about her smile, her respect, her character, her sense of humor, her impact on those around her. Those are the things people who knew her think of now.
Far too short.
Former Montclair Kimberley Academy Athletic Director Mark Boyea remembers the first time he heard Caitlin's name. He had taken a phone call from Richard, her father, who was interested in having his precocious daughters transfer to MKA from Immaculate Heart Academy .
They were on the phone for 45 minutes as Richard queried Boyea on myriad topics. Sufficiently convinced, the Lehmanns: Caitlin and her younger sister Jeanne, transferred to MKA in 1999.
As fate would have it, Boyea became Cait's academic adviser in a mentoring program for students at MKA. It's like a homeroom, but more individually geared. In the meantime, Boyea was also tutoring Jeanne, a young, gutsy point guard for his girls' basketball team. "I certainly cherish a lot of friendships," said Boyea, who has since left the school. "But I don't think there's a family that I got closer to. They are wonderful folks and they have been incredibly good to me."
The Lehmanns influenced three programs at MKA. Jeanne helped lead the Cougars volleyball team to three state playoff berths and a conference title on the hardwood.
Cait was the swimmer in the family and there were few better in all of New Jersey . IHA was a certified swimming powerhouse and Cait brought her reputation and work ethic into the MKA program. Her leadership helped MKA win two state titles, and she was named Swimmer of the Year in Essex County .
"It was her that put MKA swimming on the map," said former MKA swimming Coach Dave Flocco. "Prior to her arrival here, our girls had never been higher than third in the preps, we'd never entered a state tournament, and we were never higher than third in the counties and never better than 15th in the Easterns."
"In her two years here, we won two county titles, two state championships, a prep title and were in the top six at Easterns. I think that pretty much sums up the athletic impact she made."
In her senior year, Cait swam through pain in her back and hip and shook it off as nothing more than natural athletic soreness. But a doctor's visit in early 2001 revealed something else, synovial cell sarcoma, an extremely rare form of cancer.
Cait stayed in school, missing a couple of day now and then while she underwent treatment. Char Charlton, head of the MKA Upper School , taught Cait honors calculus and recalls how she never let her work lag. She kept up with her assignments even while her classmates begged off.
"You don't expect a student at 17 years old who looks like they are in the prime of their health, a state champion swimmer, who looks so strong to be so sick," said Charlton. "I just really respected her courage and fortitude to come to school and keep a smiling face and keep everyone else from being upset, but that's the way she was." Late on July 1, Cait's valiant battle came to an end. A Mass was held later in the week at Immaculate Conception Church. Boyea delivered one eulogy, in which he talked of Cait's life as a story with themes of truthfulness, strength, humility and love. The church was packed.
The MKA community has been in mourning for a month, and overcoming their sadness will not be easy. But from Headmaster Peter Greer to Boyea to Flocco to Charlton, Cait's legacy remains.
"I know that you couldn't find any student with a finer reputation and great character," said Charlton. "We like to pride ourselves at MKA on character education, on being respectful, and that's exactly what Caitlin was."
"She had a great smile," said Boyea. "For some reason, that's what I see in my mind. And a great sense of humor."
"I cannot remember another student who so positively affected so may students and faculty," said Greer. "Caitlin knew she had true friends to the end."
"If you had to put one word on it, it would have to be her ability to contrast her toughness with her sense of humor," said Flocco. "Caitlin never took herself or her life too seriously. She had the ability to be tough when she needed and to make everyone laugh when they needed. If I could bottle a tough smile…Caitlin's face was a tough smile."
